Divorce is a traumatic event in the lives of many people. They often find themselves in a divorce situation where they feel angry, hurt, confused as well as shocked and betrayed. Certainly the situation can only be made worse through trying to work at a relationship that has no hope of being fixed and instead one should openly discuss with the other what is to be done.
It is important that you do not force either one of you to work at your failed marriage just because you have children. There are reasons for why relationships end - it was not the best one to begin with, it’s also may be because the couple have grown apart or it could be one of them has changed so much that they aren’t who they were when they got married. The best thing you can do for the children in a divorce situation is to work it out in a civilized manner and always be honest with the children with regards to what is happening.
Unfortunately, many divorces are made far worse by one party being either vindictive or hostile; and even in a divorce where that is not the case, the first thing (possibly after child custody) that is going to be the target of interest is the money and the assets. In a way, a marriage is a business deal, and this business is now being broken up. So you need to understand how to navigate these possibly hostile waters and come out alright. For this you’ll need a strategy, and you’ll also need tactics. Neither is romantic, but both are necessary.
Your strategy is what you want to achieve. For instance, are you truly interested in taking the house, or do you just want to get enough of the home’s equity in your settlement so you can make it on your own while you go through transition? Whatever your strategy is, however, you need to understand that it is no good at all to let yourself be made into a sacrificial lamb. You may think you’re being nice, but that’s not what a divorce is about. It’s about fairness and justice, and there isn’t going to be much of that unless your strategy is to get all that you truly feel is yours by right.
Your tactics are the moves you are going to utilize and play out in order to realize your strategic goal. Having great tactics is like having a great chess game: they set you up to win, and they are intended to block or counteract any unjust or unfair moves made by your ex-spouse-to-be. They have to be well calculated; tactics are no place for overly emotional reactions, as that leaves you vulnerable. In the divorce situation, stresses can make a normally kind person into a vicious enemy who wants to take all that you feel belongs to you. You must never back down from you tactics unless they aren’t working.
If the divorce is going to be contested - because either of you does not accept what is happening, or you cannot agree a settlement that is fair then be prepared to wait a couple of years before the papers finally get signed. So when it comes to divorce don’t set your heart on getting the final settlement done with in a specific time period or by a specific date.
Make sure you consult a recommended or known divorce lawyer on all of your tactics and your divorce strategy. Again, while not romantic, divorce lawyers are usually a very important part of the divorce process.
